squish, squash, kill that roach!

Posted in Japan, sick sad world by spookylove on May 22, 2010

It’s definitely summer here. I’m back to sleeping with the doors open and having the air con on full blast. I’ve had numerous people tell me to prepare for cockroaches very soon…apparently in Japan cockroaches invade everyone’s houses in the summer? Unnecessary details that were shared:

Cockroaches climb up the drains and plug holes so expect them to pay a visit mid-shower, mid-teeth brush session and so on.

Cockroaches can live without their heads for up to a month. No words.

Cockroaches are obviously Satan’s bitches and as such WILL NEVER DIE by my puny hands. Stamping on them much like I do to all other insects who look like they will jump in my mouth (a personal fear)  will only release the eggs that are stored on their bellies. Oh god.

My sister once had a typical 17 year old Essex girl in Spain holiday, and they OF COURSE had cockroaches in their apartment. She bestowed this wisdom upon me via Skype the other day, “Just get some hairspray and a lighter and blow torch them. It works.” …Thanks for that my dear. I’m sure my landlord will be pumped to find a zillion burn holes next time he pops over. I’m freaking out because I’m one of those girls capable of screaming if a daddy long legs flies too close to me (and my mouth) and so my plan is, spray some kind of bug pepper spray, get a heavy duty glass and run for my life. And hope it dies of suffocation. Do bugs need oxygen? I bet cockroaches don’t. All they need is the fear sweat of a terrified human and they are set for at least a month.

I’m off to buy an all-in-one radiation suit.  X


4 Responses

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  1. mellatron said, on May 28, 2010 at 5:49 AM

    Er, I’m sorry but there are no words for how gross this post was to me. I want to hide from roaches and we don’t even have them here….ugh.

    • spookylove said, on May 28, 2010 at 8:52 PM

      Melissa, today I was walking down some stairs and noticed a large spider on my front, I screamed too loudly for someone on her own and immediately brushed it off, only for it to land on the back of the man walking in front of me. I then attempted (with my train card) to subtly remove the spider from his back as we carried on walking down the stairs. I looked like I was stroking him. The point of this was, I HATE ALL BUGS.

  2. mellatron said, on May 29, 2010 at 1:53 AM

    Rather you than me, I HATE bugs….ugh ugh ugh. I wish you were home so you could come to my flat, drink coca cola and watch eurovison with me 😦 x

    • spookylove said, on May 29, 2010 at 7:14 PM

      OH EUROVISION! I’d forgotten!! Let me know if there are any entries this year using a conveyor belt as dancing apparatus. Again. I’m drinking melon cream soda right now, it sounds gross right? It IS gross, but is also bright green and I like that. FUTURISTIC. Regarding the whole bugs thing, I’ve taken to shaking my clothes violently before putting them on, I figure if a bug can still be attached after that then it clearly has super powers and I need to burn that item of clothing.

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